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Two Candles

We sat in the room, dimly lit by two candles…..  

  It was close to the end of my time here.  Looking back it seems that all events were leading up to this one session.  Everything that had happend the last couple of weeks was now going to be put into perspective by something completely unexpected. Something that, though I heard about it in the past, and even tried it on my own, was going to a complete waste of my time.  I laughed and groaned when the thought crossed my mind that I was just about to do this.  It never worked before, why in the world would it work now? Can’t I go do something else, I thought.  I had no choice though, I had to do it, or risk something I’m sure.

Please put down anything that you are holding in your hand…..

  The groan again. The lack of belief or positive thought.  Again I obliged cause I had too.  I’m 34 years old, this is just so not me. This is so hippieish. There is no way this is going to do anything for me.  My mind raced through all of these thoughts as the sound of the ocean filled the room.

Close your eyes and concentrate on your breath…..

  I relaxed.  Hmm, concentrate on my… was warm as it filled my nostrils. I could feel my chest rising and falling with every breath…..what am I doing, this isn’t going to work….Breathe inBreathe output any stray thoughts on your breath as you exhale, releasing them into the room…relaxing with every breath.. Where did my thoughts go?  

You feel your arms getting heavy……

 Yeah right, I’ll show him… “HEY, I CAN’T MOVE MY ARMS!” It’s working.  Ok. Ok. Calm down. This is just too weird, just let go….I was, I was, meditating. Not just meditating, meditating successfully even!

I remember just about everything about that session….

   It still amazes me to this day.  Walking on the beach, feeling the sand between my toes, smelling the ocean, feeling the breeze hitting my face, all the while sitting in a room just barely even close to a river, much less an ocean. There was a campfire in the distance that I was walking toward, that was my destination.  After several minutes I reached my destination.

Throw your worries into the coals…..

  I did.  I remembered the shape that the smoke made as the worries were burned in the coals.  I walked down to the ocean, drew the shape into the sand, and as the waves came, the worries were washed away.  I can’t even describe how vivid this is in my mind.  

Ask God what you are to do, then just listen……

(Ok, this is quite Twilight Zoneish, and for those of you who think I may be a freak, I must apologize.  Remember though, you weren’t there, I was, and I am very skeptical about everything.)

I listened, I heard the ocean, I felt the spray from the waves and I heard a voice. Yes it was a deep, demanding, powerful voice, “You will help many as many have helped you.  Don’t worry about relationships.  Take care of yourself and everything will fall into place.”

Life Changing Moment

It was God.  At that point, right then, I knew I was going to be OK.  Remember, I hadn’t been to church in forever and I felt as though God was right there by my side just as plain as day.  Without him, higher power they say in AA, I would not be here writing this now.  My relationship with God has been growing since and that is why I get my AA from my church family.  They are a wonderful bunch.  

You don’t have to have God to get through your issues. You can try do it on your own.  Just let me know how that turns out for you, and when you are ready to approach your struggles the correct way, at the very least come back here and let me help you do it the right way.  No, I don’t have all the answers, but I have the answer.

For starters, might I recommend sitting in a room dimly lit by two candles……….


Let me help you help yourself!


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