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Reflections on Me

Several nights the last few weeks, I have come home around 9 or 9:30PM and as I walk up to my front door, key in hand, I have this thought of how glad I am to be “sane” at this time of night. Going to my house, and not worrying about getting that first drink in my system.  I notice how much more relaxed I seem to be.  It is really exhilarating.

Previous Years

Just last year and for several years prior, at the same time of night, I would have already had 1 or 2 in me and worrying about whether or not I would have enough to get me through the night.  Counting over and over in my head how many I had consumed and how many “cold ones” I had left in the refrigerator.  I couldn’t even enjoy getting drunk because it seems there was always that, worrying about quantity, that haunted me the whole time I was drinking.

I would pace myself and had it almost down to a science.  If I had 6 16oz beers in the fridge, and the time was 8:30PM, I could take a drink every 10 minutes and have enough to get me through until 11:00PM, which is when I usually went to bed.  If I messed up and had finished one before the aloted time, the worry would set in, and on several occasions, I made late night trips to the store just to pickup another 6 just so I would have enough to get me through the rest of the waking hours.

This posed yet another problem.  You see, the next day, after work, I would still stop and pickup 6 just because that’s what I did.  So, when “the time” came I usually had at least 9 cold ones in the fridge.  So, I could drink more this night, drink sooner, and have a  much better drunk.  This in turn really caused my next morning and most of the day to just be miserable and depressing.  


The only concern I seem to have now is how quickly can I get in the bed and get a good nights sleep.  That is so much more relaxing to me.  I also catch myself remembering where I was and it just makes me so thankful that I am the person that I am today.  

Life was no fun at all.  Stress was way up, mostly from having to hide my problem and still try to enjoy it.  I have stories of almost getting caught, that looking back on, makes me feel so childish.  I may share some of those in the future.

I am truly blessed now.  I have so much more respect for life and her little, and sometimes big, nuances.  It seems though, that no matter what she (life) throws at me, I am better equipped to handle the situation, both mentally and physically.

My Plea

Enjoy this life.  Stay away from the things in life that control you.  That something could be alcohol, drugs, food, money, nicotine, just about anything you can imagine could have a control on you.  If you are being controlled by something now, the sooner you accept it, face it and fix it, the better your life will be, that’s a promise.

If you desire a personal correspondence with me, please let me know in the comment section. I will be more than happy to email or even call and chat if that is what you desire.  Just get better, LIFE awaits.

Let me help you help yourself!


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